This post is about my experiences with the batshit crazy 3-month-old Australian Shepherd I brought home last summer. Often in social media, we only see the highlights of puppy ownership. It’s not all cuddles and adorable naps. Sometimes raising a puppy is SO HARD. This was my experience with my puppy, Zion. He’s still a crazy puppy, but rest assured, with time and training, it DOES get easier.
Last June, my best friend, an 11-year-old Australian Shepherd named Kobe, passed away suddenly. His death came as a shock to me. Losing him turned everything I knew as “normal” upside down and left me feeling confused, lonely and overcome with grief.
Read More: I Miss My Dog: Grieving My Best Friend
It wasn’t long after Kobe passed that I started longing to have a dog in the house again. I knew I could never replace him, but I could fill some of the painful gaps in my day-to-day that I desperately missed. There was no one to feed first thing in the morning. There was no reason to check the time while I was out because there was no one back home that needed to be let outside to go potty. No one was around to bark when someone knocked on the front door. How can anyone live with daily life identifying as a dog mom without a dog?
Sooner than I thought I would, I was researching breeders and browsing puppies waiting for one to “speak to me”. I knew I wanted another Aussie. I preferred another male, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker. The only thing I didn’t want was another black tri because I feared I’d compare my new pup to Kobe on too many levels, which wasn’t fair to the new puppy or to me.
That’s when I landed on a picture of Zion, who at the time was named Red. I knew he was the one.
My Crazy Puppy
His breeder (yes, I bought instead of adopted – perhaps a post for another day) warned me that he was the problem child of the litter. Some of the pups in his litter were happy to lounge on the sofa with the tv on. Others liked walks but weren’t inclined to go for miles. Zion earned the title of the “troublemaker with a strong working drive”.
Upon reflection, I think I went ahead with Zion for a few reasons. First, I clearly underestimated what she meant by “troublemaker”. Second, I liked the idea of a high-energy puppy to force me to be active again, which would help pull me out of my grief-related funk. And third, he was so damn cute that I couldn’t resist the idea of bringing him home to cuddle with.
Let me preface by saying I wouldn’t trade Zion for the world. I’m endlessly grateful I brought him home and that he is my dog. But those first couple of months… HOLY. SMOKES.
Please enjoy these short narratives from my first month with my crazy puppy, Zion.
“This crazy puppy keeps biting my face.”
I’ve seriously contemplated the possibility that my puppy has some kind of mental disorder on several occasions. This dog will be cute, cuddly and affectionate, then all of a sudden, with no obvious provocation, pounce and attack my head. He especially likes pinching my nose and nibbling at my earrings, but make no mistake, he’s open to open-mouth-lunging at the back of my head and neck too.
There are tips online that suggest yelping like a puppy in pain to discourage this kind of rough play. I swear to you, this fuels Zion. It’s like he’s motivated by inflicting pain. Seconds or minutes later, he’s being sweet again, giving kisses and bringing his toys to share. I’m left just standing there (because I can’t remain sitting, for my own safety) wondering “what the fuck just happened?”.
Since we’ve been doubling down on training, I’m less inclined to believe that something is actually wrong with him, rather settling on the brutal reality that he is just kind of an asshole. If I have a treat or fun distraction, I can halt the psychotic attacks pretty easily. Sometimes I think they’re brought on because he is bored. He gets bored easily because he requires extensive mental and physical stimulation 37 hours a day.
Update: Spontaneous Assaults Trending Downward
After four months of training and bonding, this occurs far less frequently now. The only times he experiences his fleeting moments of demonic possession are when he gets struck with the zoomies and I’m laying on the floor (yes, this is a specific and dangerous combination) and when he gets overly excited with visitors (everyone is afraid to come to my house now). I’m only afraid of my puppy like 8% of the time now, which is fantastic progress!
“I can’t have anything on the floor anymore.”
If you walked through my house right now, you’d be confused and probably a little disturbed. Nothing is on the floor except furniture. Your initial thought may be “yeah, that sounds right” but that just means you haven’t thought it through hard enough yet.
The toilet brush and plunger are on the back of the toilet.
All of my houseplants, large and small are littering my kitchen counters.
Any and all decor below waist height now sits on taller surfaces.
The tower fan is sitting ridiculously on a small living room end table.
My vacuum and broom, which used to stand innocently in my laundry room are now locked away in a closet.
The laundry baskets are sitting on the dryer and dresser.
The small garbage can in my bathroom is on the sink, the garbage can in my office is on a shelf on my desk.
If anything is on the floor, this dog will grab it and run away with it with only malicious intent. I just follow him around trying to take back whatever he stole. In the time it takes me to find the recovered item, he’s off plotting his next heist. I’m always two steps behind.
Update: Home Appears In Working Order Again
You know about elimination diets? Like where you stop eating pretty much everything, then slowly reintroduce one food group at a time to see how your body responds? That was my approach to reassembling my house. With each slow adjustment, I worked to make my things boring and encouraged Zion to play with something fun of his own. Five months later, everything that used to live on my floor now resides there again, in peace.
“He just peed on the back of the sofa.”
Potty training always feels so difficult in the moment, even when you know it’ll be over soon. There’s something about the rush you get when you’ve literally just brought your puppy in from outside and haven’t even finished closing the door when you see them peeing on the floor that makes you question many of your life decisions.
Zion established his special potty place fairly quickly upon arriving home. It was in the corner of my ivory high pile rug on my living room floor.
The exciting part about trickling liquid onto a high-pile rug is that it absorbs in one very concentrated place. So much so that it can be difficult to find after you’ve stepped away to get Nature’s Miracle and the second roll of paper towels that day. You get the pleasure of cautiously dabbing around until you finally hit the spot, which always ends up being just slightly off enough to get piss directly on your hands.
Zion was definitely one of those puppies to pee when he got excited or met someone new. It was like a submissive release of the bladder to say “Look I’m so little and innocent that I peed myself. Don’t hurt me.”
He sent that message loud and clear to the mailman that didn’t even see him on top of the sofa. Pissed all over the couch.
Update: Urine Hasn’t Touched Living Room Floor in Months
Potty training felt exhausting in the midst of it, but it was over pretty quickly. After about a month of potty breaks every half hour, Zion stopped choosing to go on the floor. Another month after that, he learned to sit by the backdoor to ask to go outside. He hasn’t had an accident in months. Despite my best efforts, my couch still has the faintest fragrance of dog urine.
Read More: 13 Essentials for Your New Puppy Survival Kit
“I’m so tired that I can’t even cry.”
Zion’s internal clock operates with such impeccable accuracy that it honestly blows my mind. His ability to tell time isn’t a problem in and of itself, but rather the times he is pre-programmed with.
Without question, one spending 24 hours with Zion could expect to be forcefully put on the following schedule:
- 6 AM: Wake up and be expected to have the energy and enthusiasm of a 3-month-old herding breed puppy. Zion needs to eat, pee, poop and play with every toy he owns.
- 6:10 AM: He played with everything he owns, so he expands his scope into everything I own too.
- 8 AM: Time for the first nap of the day (i.e. the only thing standing between me and getting fired from my job)
- 10 AM: Zion wakes up even more charged with crazy puppy energy than at 8 AM, tearing through the house with the force of a hurricane. Long walks around the neighborhood and playing fetch in the backyard are the only ways to productively harness this surge of energy.
- 12 PM: Lunchtime, then naptime again. I finally get time to sit and work. Maybe eat too.
- 3 PM: We’re back at it again. Potty breaks every 30 minutes. Bone chewing. Fetch. Tug of war. Chase. Hide and seek. Training. Another walk.
- 7 PM: His energy peaks for the day and he loses his fucking mind. Runs through the house and backyard with such intensity that I often just watch from a safe distance. He barks into the sky. Runs and jumps so hard that he regularly wipes out. Grabs literally anything that gets within reach and runs with it. He once tried to scale the 7 ft privacy fence when he only weighed like 18 lbs.
- 7:30 PM: He’s out like a light. I savor the peace of the evening.
- 10 PM: We both go to bed.
- 1 AM: He wakes me up to go potty.
- 3:30 AM: He wakes me up to go potty again.
- 6 AM: He wakes up for the day.
Repeat. Over and over and over.
My Fitbit app sent me a suggestion that I participate in a study for new parents based on my sleeping trends. Wow.
Update: Puppy Still Crazy, Sleeps Through the Night
At 29 years old, I can say with confidence, that first couple months with Zion was the most tired I’ve ever been. I would nap when he napped. I was absolutely exhausted all the time. At around the 2 month mark of having him, he began sleeping through the entire night (daylight savings time has recently thrown a wrench in that) and I began feeling like myself again. When he’s awake, he requires constant supervision, but everything is so much more manageable. Especially since I’m no longer sleep deprived.
“Why is he only an asshole to me?”
I walk Zion nearly every day, sometimes more than once a day. It’s good for both of us. I could use the fresh air and exercise and Lord knows he needs a way to burn off energy. Walks are not that enjoyable though.
My dog, Kobe, would tug with enthusiasm. His preferred pace was a jog. Zion, on the other hand, sits every 5 fucking steps. It literally takes a half hour to walk around the block. He’s not sitting because he doesn’t want to walk though. He sits every time he sees another human or dog. EVERY TIME.
When he sees someone on the street, he sits, stares and wags his adorable fluffy tail. His puppy eyes and happy body language win the hearts of many, so everyone wants to say hi to him (thus adding to the time it takes to get around the block). They bend over to pet him and he gives them kisses. He’s cute and cuddly.
Any time he runs into another dog, he’s respectful and calm. He keeps a loosely wagging tail, relaxed ears, sniffs butts and moves on. He’s so polite.
Then we go back home and he attacks me for no particular reason. Bites my hands, steals my shoe, rips a pillow off the sofa, pees on the floor and takes a nap.
He’s pretty much only a dick to those that love and care for him most. How rewarding.
Update: Still an Asshole, Not Just To Me Anymore
I read up on puppy puberty extensively because I felt I hadn’t done an adequate job socializing and training Kobe during those critical months. Everything I read suggested that the 8-18 month-ish range is the hardest time period in raising a puppy.
Yes.
Zion and I have bonded. He also loves my mom and brother, which means they’re also chewed on regularly. Anyone new receives barks by default. He jumps. He listens worse than ever, despite knowing so much more now. This is difficult, but I think we’re working through it okay. Boundaries are being reinforced and he’s given lots of opportunities to politely meet new people and dogs. This is still a work in progress.
“I can’t even take a shower without him.”
Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my puppy. I enjoy playing with him, walking him and training him. He’s very entertaining. At the same time, I’m an adult with responsibilities and basic needs. Sometimes I need to do things that do not include him. Like go grocery shopping, work or take a shower.
Zion votes no to being left out of anything. About two months in, I decided to try showering without crating him. It’d be a quick one. He barked the entire time and ended up in the shower more than once. I spent more time considering him than actually washing myself. I even turned the temperature of my shower down so he wouldn’t burn himself.
When I wash dishes, he begs me to play with his toys. As I eat, he inches closer and closer, ideally after my food, but would accept attention as an alternative. He barks at the vacuum and attacks the broom as I try to clean up after him.
When people visit or I talk on the phone, I find myself exclusively talking about Zion because he’s the only thing going on in my life. Raising a puppy can be so consuming that it just becomes your personality and sole purpose.
Update: No Update
I chose an Aussie because I don’t mind the velcro dog lifestyle. The difference between now and then is that Zion is better trained and, thus, less work. When I shower, he lays on the bathroom rug waiting for me to come out. When I wash dishes, he lays on my feet. Honestly… I love it.
“It’s not going to be like this forever, right?”
It’s really not.
Across the internet and among dog trainers, you often hear the same comment that Aussies aren’t for first-time dog owners. I endorse this comment. As a third-time dog owner and second-time Aussie owner, Zion seriously challenges me. I think even on the spectrum of Aussies, he’s a tough one. His energy knows no bounds, he’s very smart and has the drive to stay busy all the time.
With patience and diligence, you’ll find yourself reflecting on the harder times and laughing. It happens sooner than you think too! Remember that every good and bad behavior is a training opportunity. Keep treats in your pockets at all times. Try squeezing in a nap during the day. Ask for help when you need it. Don’t give up!
Bonding with a dog is the most rewarding experience. Training is the investment you make now for a great dog in the future.
Do you have a crazy puppy? Share your experiences in the comments! I can’t wait to hear from you.
Sincerely,
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